


Cacti Killer

by orpwrks



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 06:20:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29113686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orpwrks/pseuds/orpwrks
Summary: Patrick considered himself a pretty good gift-giver. That was until he walked in to Johnathan holding a cleaver over his gift.
Relationships: Patrick Kane/Jonathan Toews
Comments: 4
Kudos: 44





	Cacti Killer

Johnathan had been talking for a while. A long while. So it’s only valid that Patrick didn’t know exactly what they were discussing at the moment as he put the dishes, humming along when appropriate, and Johnathan continued to water his ever growing house plant collection and ramble about cacti? South America? Something about plants in South America maybe? 

Eventually Patrick tuned back in enough to catch Johnathan’s grievances,   
“So then because of customs and the border and it’s a plant and stuff they won’t accept it across the border, and it’s also just so difficult to even get in contact with a grower, you know how my Spanish is”,   
Johnathan was trying to get a certain cactus thing shipped up to their condo in Chicago.   
“Wait, sorry, what’s the cactus called again?” Patrick asked.   
“A yellow pitaya, Pat! Are you even listening?” Johnathan asked exasperatedly although knowing thats sometimes just how they function, allowing the other to get all the stuff off their mind in one long rant.   
Pat nodded his head and discreetly marked down the name in his phone app. 

“Peeks, any Valentine’s day plans yet?” Duncs asked as they warmed up drills on the ice.   
Alex skated by bumping his shoulder into Duncs,   
“Just cause you have nothing planned yet for the Mrs, doesn’t mean you can just go around and copy everyone else’s ideas!”   
The three of them shared a laugh before Patrick added,   
“For what it’s worth, I’m getting an exotic, rare plant shipped across 4 national boards”.  
“Jesus Christ, you overachiever.”   
“How is your guy’s condo even going to fit another plant?” 

Patrick was good at keeping secrets, Johnathan was decidedly not good at keeping secrets. So there they sat on their couch on February 13th exchanging kisses after Johnathan let slip that the following month’s bye week would be spent in Miami for the Miami Open Tennis Tournament.   
Johnathan wasn’t usually into the whole tennis scene but   
“It’s fun enough watching you like enjoy and cheer for tennis. Just maybe don’t throw any popcorn this time around?” he reminisced back onto their previous tennis tournament extravaganzas.   
“Yeah, yeah, it was one time! And I didn’t mean to get it in that lady’s hair, she was just in the wrong place!” Patrick complained back. 

As Johnathan went about his morning routine following their morning Valentine’s Day activities, he chose to simply not ask any questions as Patrick said he’d back in a minute carrying the keys to Stromer’s apartment 2 floors up.   
Eventually, Patrick returned holding a box heavily covered in mail stickers of exactly how to hold it and to treat it with proper care.   
“Happy Valentine’s Day, Johnny.” Patrick smiled as he set the box down in front of his boyfriend standing at their kitchen island eating breakfast.   
Slowly Johnny opened the box to reveal the plant in a nice quality pot, seemingly undamaged.   
“Is this.. Did you get me yellow pitaya?” Johnny asked.   
“Yes, do you like it?” Patrick asked with a smile.   
“Yes! You’re amazing! How’d you’d get it through customs?” The excitement in Johnny’s voice was tangible and he carried the plant over to the perfect spot in his plant collection that was simply covering their condo at this point. 

They kissed over a plant for a little while before Patrick finally left for a sponsorship meeting thing with his agent. And upon his return, he was hit with a situation he did not think he had to face after seeing how excited Johnny was for his cactus. 

There Johnny stood, leaning over his plant menacing holding a cleaver.   
“What are you doing? I thought you liked my gift!” Patrick voice cracked in surprise seeing his wield a knife over his gift to him.   
“What? I do love it!” Johnathan said, following his words with the hard and loud thud of the butcher knife splitting the cactus down the center.   
“Then why are your hacking it to pieces?!” Something wasn’t clicking here, Johnathan saying he loved his gift as he went all Edward Scissorhands at it.   
“I feel like we’re having a miscommunication here, you know why I wanted this cactus right?” Johnathan asked slowly.   
“Maybe to add with the near hundred plants our condo currently houses?” Patrick responded equally as slowly.   
“Pat, this-uh- is an eating cactus. Like you eat yellow pitaya...” Johnathan waved around the knife, trying to talk with his hands but being obscured by the weighty weapon   
in his hand. He said it like he explaining to Patrick that the sky is blue and the earth rotates around the sun.   
“You, you, eat the cactus,” Patrick stated dumbfounded.   
“Yes, but I save part of it to propagate a new plant.” Johnathan explained pointing to the corner of the room where newspapers and paper towels were set out to apparently propagate his Valentine’s Day gift. 

Patrick popped himself up to sit down on the counter across from Johnathan as he scooped out the center of the cactus.  
“The skin part is what I’m going to use for tonight’s salad dressing and I might make a syrup for mocktails but we’re out of sparkling water. Would you put that on the list for the grocery store?” Johnathan asked, looking up at his boyfriend.   
Patrick nodded, staring at the notes of his phone, pausing to realize how damn domestic they were.

**Author's Note:**

> written curled up under a heated blanket 
> 
> hope you enjoy.


End file.
